Name: Jessica Sitomer
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- I’m shy: Find a wingman who is outgoing, cares about you and your success, and is happy to be out and social.
Strategy: Tell your wingman how many people you want to meet, make sure your wingman knows how to introduce you, and send her off on her mission. She will find people to strike up a conversation with and pull you in. - I’m fine once I start a conversation, but I don’t know how to break the ice: Find a wingman who will be your icebreaker.
Strategy: Point out to your wingman the person or group with whom you want to speak. An outgoing wingman will bring you over and make an introduction. First he’ll introduce himself, and when the person or people make their introduction, he will introduce you. Then you’re in the conversation and you can take it from there. - I can’t get motivated to go to networking events: Have multiple event wingmen, who you push yourself to call and invite to events.
Strategy: Set up events in advance for the month with your various wingmen, so you can’t get out of it. When you choose your wingmen, let them know that you may get lazy or unmotivated and that they should not let you off the hook! - I’m not good at tooting my own horn: Get a wingman who is. Let your wingman in on all of your successes and your strengths, and they will “toot that horn” for you.
Strategy: When you and your wingman get into a conversation with a person who asks what you do, you answer with the simple reply of “what you do” and your wingman jumps in and says, “Oh, she’s just being modest.” Then continues to sing your praises. Now, in this instance you’re only allowed to get away with this strategy for a little while. You’re objective is to listen to how your wingman speaks about you so that you will be able to “own” it for yourself. You must build your confidence to speak about your passion - Find a wingman who is outgoing. He/she can be in the industry but doesn’t have to be. Your wingman can also be someone whom you can potentially hire. He/she will be more motivated to introduce you to people who can hire you knowing that once you’re working, you will hire your wingman.
- Discuss your strategy plan with your wingman. Both of you can be on the look out for parties. Once there, your wingman knows precisely how many new people you want to meet and will share in your mission.
- Should there be any awkward meetings, it is the wingman’s job to make a joke and build you back up.
- Choose a networking wingman (or 2 or 3). They will be flattered you asked.
- Figure out some parties or events you want to go to. Commit to your Accountability Wingman. (Note, while your Accountability Wingman can also be your networking wingman, they have different responsibilities and you don’t want to overload either).
- Get contact information from your new partner and then follow up.
- Getting stuck in old business habits that don’t work: Let’s face it, if you’ve been doing the same things over and over to generate work and you’re not happy with the results, you’ve got to try something new. Imagine a Ghost revealed himself to you to show you the same 3-5 things you’ve been doing to generate work. Can you envision what they are? Now imagine that the Ghost shows you 2012 and you’re doing the same things. How will you feel at the end of the year when your results are the same as they were this year, only you have more debt and more feelings of resentment? What about in 5 years, 10 years? What will your retirement look like if you don’t do something different?
- Not treating the business like a full time job This is 90% of not only my clients but also the hundreds of thousands of people pursuing entertainment careers. So do you want to stay in the 90% or be in the top 10%? To be in the top, you must be spending 40 hours a week on your business when you’re not working at your craft, and 10 hours a week when you do have a job in your craft.
- Lack of consistency This is the classic “New Year’s Resolution” example that is easiest to explain with a gym membership. At the beginning of the year, people join a gym making a resolution that “this year they will get fit.” Again, only 10-15% of the people stay consistent. The gym counts on that or they would be overcrowded. They just keep taking your money while you let your membership go to waste. Your competition is like those gym sales people, just counting on you to start strong in January and peter out as 2011 continues on, so that they stay on top and you never break-out!
- Unable to “get back on the horse” Many clients have made a big push, and then something gets in the way, or they get sidetracked, or they run out of steam and can’t “get back on the horse,” until the next year. Do you want to be having this conversation with me 12 months from now? I hope not!
- Fear of rejection Fear is a career crusher, and the entertainment industry is like any other sales industry in that you have to get a lot of ‘nos’ to get to the important ‘yeses.’ I know you get that intellectually, but do you get it emotionally?
- Not taking risks Again it comes down to the 90%/10% rule in that 10% of the people in our industry take risks. Guess which group gets the top results? Every mentor I’ve interviewed had risks to share. They are necessary to move forward in your career.
- Coming from a place of lack and desperation So many people get themselves into a place where it’s too late. They are in financial crisis, which causes them to be in a state of desperation, which equals a continued cycle of lack of work. If you’re in this cycle, you must find a way out or it will only worsen.
- Seeing why something won’t work instead of seeing the possibility I call these people the ‘Naysayers’, always having a reason why something new won’t work, or why they can’t afford something they know is going to help them, or knocking something before they’ve tried it. Other versions are people who have “heard that doesn’t work” or people who have “tried it once and given up because it didn’t work.”
- Lack of family support This has always been a challenging one for me because, it usually occurs when the family doesn’t see you getting anywhere because of the reasons above. It’s hard to support someone who is causing financial strain on your life, or who is angry, bitter, and frustrated all of the time because he or she is not working. Your family wants you to be happy, and when you’re not working, you’re usually not.
- Lack of self worth This is where it all stems from. Whether you grew up with low self-esteem, or the lack of work has chipped away at your self worth, or you’ve had a great career and then lost it. These are just some of the few reasons why people’s lack of self worth, which disguises itself in many ways, sabotages their success in the industry.
- Make new mistakes
- Discuss with your Accountability Wingman what three old, ineffectual habits you want to break
- Don’t be invisible like a ghost — Get noticed
Hate Networking? Grab a Wingman
July 21st, 2011This week we feature guest poster, Jessica Sitomer, an entertainment industry coach.
In the movie Top Gun, Iceman tells Maverick that he can be his wingman, anytime. Then Maverick replies, “You can be mine.” These guys were very competitive, and therefore, NOT ideal wingmen. I’m suggesting the Maverick/Goose relationship. They had each other’s backs and were always looking out for each other.
Networking is a lot easier when you've got a wingman
According to Wikipedia, a wingman is defined as a pilot who supports another in a potentially dangerous flying environment. Wingman was originally a term referring to the plane flying beside and slightly behind the lead plane in an aircraft formation.
For our purposes your wingman is your “ice-breaker.” So many people have obstacles around in-person networking. I’ve heard, “I’m shy,” “I don’t know how to break into a conversation,” and “I don’t like to go to events alone.” And these are only a few of the obstacles. Yet, in-person networking is one of the most valuable actions you can take for yourself and your career. Why? Because, face to face is the strongest form of communication.
Instead of getting caught up in the reasons why you don’t like to network, or the excuses for why you’re unsuccessful at it, accept that you must, and get yourself a wingman to help you overcome any reason or excuse.
How a wingman can shoot down all your excuses:
Here are some tips for finding an effective wingman, none of which involve singing “You’ve lost that loving feeling.”
Mojo Moves
Unlike the Top Gun theme song, Highway To The Dangerzone, this is your highway to the success zone.
Jessica Sitomer, The Greenlight Coach, is a top Entertainment Industry Speaker and Coach and is the author of And…Action! Powerful, Proven, and Proactive Strategies to Achieve Success in the Entertainment Industry.
Stuck in the Past? 10 Advice Tips from the Ghost Whisperer
June 10th, 2011This week we feature guest poster, Jessica Sitomer, an entertainment industry coach.
Melinda Gordon, played by Jennifer Love Hewitt in the Ghost Whisperer, communicates with ghosts who can’t move on because of unfinished business from their past. The obvious message for those of us who don’t get the opportunity to communicate with spirits, is: If you don’t learn from the mistakes of your past, your future will give you more of what you don’t like in your present, only the more you get, the worse your future will be.
Old bad habits haunting you? Here's how to move on.
Being a coach for 15 years, I’ve seen the mistakes people have made that were the differences between their success and in some cases, devastation (loss of home, divorce, illness due to stress, and the worst, suicide).
Allow me to be a “ghost whisperer” and share the top 10 mistakes people make that stop them from achieving their entertainment industry career dreams:
Figure out what mistakes you’ve made in the past and solutions to those mistakes so you won’t make them in the future.
If Melinda can help the ghosts cross over, surely you can have a career cross-over too.
Mojo Moves
Jessica Sitomer, The Greenlight Coach, is a top Entertainment Industry Speaker and Coach and is the author of And…Action! Powerful, Proven, and Proactive Strategies to Achieve Success in the Entertainment Industry.
Photo courtesy of CBS/Ghost Whisperer
Got tips on how to move on from your past? Comment below.